Saturday, December 22, 2012

"The Love Of Your Life"

Love is a wonderful, beautiful, powerful and sometimes sad and tragic thing. 

Some people fall in love with one another.  Some people fall in love with money.  Some people fall in love with their jobs or attention from others.  So many people fall in love with themselves and all that they do or believe in.  Some people fall in love with God or a belief in a higher being.  Some people fall in love with delusions of grandeur, extending acts of terror and of controling others.

I recently read a story of  four US military men who had planned to assassinate President Obama, as well as commit additional domestic acts of terrorism and murder, including stockpiling munitions, and poisoning a water supply to kill or injure thousands.  It is ironic that these men, who were trained to defend their own nation against the actions of foreign terrorists, have become the very evil forces that they were suppose to be fighting against.

What's even more amazing is that their way of thinking...to win over followers through acts of murder and terrorism...is shared by more people than we would like to believe.

Is that backward thinking any different than a jaded lover, male or female, who thinks that by terrorising their ex lover, they will win them back?  Beat them, threaten them, shoot at their car or just harass them until they get their ex's attention and then they'll come running back out of pure fear.

Is this sickness any different than some over zealous, domestic terrorist who thinks that murdering national, federal, state or local leaders is going to bring about change?  There is no history that murdering a leader in this country, or terrorizing an ex lover will bring people to you, rather it will drive them away from you.  It will bring shame to your family, make most of your friends disclaim you and probably land you in a grave or in a jail cell.

If we love our lives, if we're passionate about our beliefs...why don't we all take the higher road to bring about positive change?  Real change.  Changes that can positively help more than just our immediate desires.  Changes that can positively affect a whole generation of people long after we are gone.

People died so that women and people of slave decent in America could have the right to vote.  People died so that workers could have fair wages and fair representation in our workforce.  They did this all over the past 130 years through demonstrations, marches, and court room challenges.  They so loved and believed in their cause that they gave their time, energy and in some cases their lives to bringing about positive change.  They stimulated moral consciousness, rather than turning into immoral beings and delivering evil acts upon their fellow human beings.

When someone says that they love you and their love and behavior towards you leaves you feeling worse than when you were alone...then it's time to leave them.

When someone promises to make this world a better place by tearing it down and murdering innocents, then it is time to turn them into the proper authorities.  That world that they are promising will undoubtedly be worse than the world that you currently live in.

Love begets love.  Hate and anger only begets more hate and anger.

What is the "loves" of your life?  Mine is writing, family, friends and humor.

May God bring peace and prosperity to all of you during these holidays and in the upcoming New Year.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

"Baby...Where Did Our Love Go?"

I recently read a book based on some very unflattering, but sincere male opinions and views on women.  In my other blog I once spoke of how women do not have all the answers or hold the standard for being honest in relationships.  We commonly feel more empathetic towards women because they do emote their hurt feelings more than men.  Women can be more fragile at times and even more easily misguided in relationships at times.

However, we must not forget the less than sweet women, who wound the hearts of men mercilessly.  Some women can be so cold towards a man, whose heart she knows she is breaking, that she could easily be mistaken for his worst enemy.  To paraphrase the quote I read, "When a women grows tired of her man, she will destroy him."

How cold and how cruel to have such a point of view.

There are other women who have witnessed such coldness towards a decent man.  They themselves wonder why a woman could be so cold towards a nice guy.  They know that they would welcome the "problems" of that man at any moment of their lives and that the woman is being really cold and picky - or simply going through some "changes".

Believe me I am quite familiar with the cold, uncaring, hurtful and immature behavior of men.  I am a man.  I've witness these things over the years.  I'm just writing this to remind us all that women can clearly be at fault as well.  Not all men are evil or the "responsible" party in a break up.

Love in relationships is supposed to heal, not wound deeper.  Friendship in a relationship is suppose to remind both parties that "we are in this together".  If you cannot be in it together, than at least chose to amicably do it apart from one another.  Otherwise you just have two miserable people imposing their misery onto others.

Love helps makes us feel better...not worse.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Sibling Love...

Sibling Love.

What a complicated thing.  As we grow up with siblings, depending on how "justice" or parental oversight and moderation was handled during our formative years...sibling love can be such a complicated thing.  We want to love our siblings for being "blood" related to us, yet if we do not develop a good relationship growing up this ability becomes strained over time.  In fact, if we have a terrible relationship with our siblings during our developmental years, having a good adult relationship with our siblings is usually darn near impossible as we grow older.

The shame of it all...is that we spend more time "living" as adults, than we spend growing up and through our childhood.  I think the responsibility of the betterment of sibling relationships relies mostly in the hands of parents and caregivers to teach siblings the importance of helping, being kind and respectful towards your siblings.  The age order in this case does not matter.  What matters most is that both treat one another with respect and care.

If this does not prove to be the case during developmental years, then as adults, it is possible that siblings can try to rediscover one another as blood related "friends" once they allow old wounds and issues to heal.  The strength of the family unit in all societies is really the pillars that carries on those societies in some shape or form.

I once at a family Easter Sunday dinner that so large, it was nearly impossible to keep track of all the relatives.  The mother and father had brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles who had kids.  The mother and father also had 10 kids of their own.  There was a general lesson of love and tolerance handed down from the adults to the kids so that brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles all showed kindness towards one another.  Even to me...a complete stranger and simple friend to one of their favorite neighbors.  It took nearly 3 hours to serve everyone dinner in that big house.  A spare bedroom was cleared out and into into a satellite dining room, as well as tables set up outside the house.  It was a wonderful and unforgettable thing to see.

To the best of our ablity to love, forgive, heal...we should all try to remain "family".  Whether that is your direct sibling or a lifetime friend who has been like a sibling to you.  Love, above all things...is hard work...even when it comes down to your brother or sister.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Turning Tragedy Into Self-awareness...

Such sad news from the weekend.  A young American professional football player kills his girlfriend, mother of their 3 month old child at his home, and then himself at himself at his team's facility.  My mother and I spoke about it for an hour on the phone. 

There were a lot of common assumptions made by the general public and perhaps even from people who might have known these two people.  These assumptions might have led to people not paying attention to the tension, anger and frustration that built up inside this particular relationship.

Domestic violence and arguments and acting out isn't a new issue.  Clearly it happens more often than we may want to believe, but it doesn't necessarily end up with such a violent and tragic ending.  It is these really tragic moments that stand out.  However, the lesser incidents lead to divorce, single parenthood, drug and or alcohol dependency, child adoption, dysfunctional children and dysfunctional subsequent relationships as the damaged parties go searching for someone to heal their wounds rather than starting with a clean slate.

All of this in the name of love?  Seems rather ironic and sad.

What assumptions do we make about others?   Well, first we all assume that just because someone either inherits or somehow earns a ton of new money, that they will immediately find happiness.  Second, we all assume that just because you see a couple smiling together, that all is well within the relationship.  We assume that they are the "picture" of happy, normal couple.  Third, we assume that when a couple is observed fighting, that they will "just work it out on their own."

How many celebrity marriages must we see before we realize that neither money, nor momentary times of happiness, are symbols of eternal, lifetime, bliss?  How many times do we ignore when we see a couple argue in a dysfunctional manner, do we ignore it?  That's not to say that we can change what's happening, but if it's people close to us, perhaps we can "influence" them to seek help via professional means.

Neither celebrity nor everyday folks are immune to all of the pitfalls of attaining and maintaining a relationship.  I once went to a wedding that cost at the time, over $60,000 in 1989.  12 months to the day, I sat in the living room of their apartment, while the wife was signing the divorce papers and he was now living back home with his family.  It was a surreal experience, especially since I video taped their wedding and did a lot of good camera work to capture all of the happy faces on the families.  A year to the day later, they were ALL at each other's throats, especially the groom's family.  They were a very hot tempered bunch.  Not to take a side, but it was actually HE whose outlandish behavior initiated the break up.  He needed to stay single at that time, until he was more mature and ready to hitch onto a "lifetime" monogamous relationship.  That was a crazy moment in my life to witness.

Once again, a young guy, making good money, with a nice woman, who was also working and making a nice salary.  Both good looking and coming from medium to large families and two sets of parents who had marriages of 25 or more years.  Yet it guaranteed them nothing in terms of their own young marriage.

So where did the love go?  The love went up in flames with all of the expectations and emotional needs that weren't met in the marriage.  It is these expectations and needs that must be understood, explored and worked through before two people seek a marriage commitment.  Otherwise you're just marrying someone based on outside looks and assumptions.  Then you marry them and find out that you must live with whatever weaknesses that they may be hiding from the rest of the world.  You should try to talk about and work out whatever things you're expecting or issues that you may have.  Heck, I even recommend seeking professional counseling to find out and see if you are both capable of working through those issues.

It's either that, or throwing a big and expensive party for folks who may get so enraged over time, that they can't stand the sight of each other less than a year later.  In even worse scenarios, it could lead to violence, murder and suicide.

From the minute that we are born, we all want to be hugged and loved.  Over time and whatever damages that life can bring us, we lose sight of that, but still fight to get to that place of happiness and comfort.  Hopefully in that moment of anger we can realize that that is what everyone is fighting for.  We are all fighting to be loved, happy and comfortable.  Well, at least the majority of us.  We are trying to create "love" for ourselves.  Once both parties realize that is where the anger comes from - the disappointment, the frustration, the pain - perhaps we can treat each other more rationally and warmly?  Sometimes, you just have to retrace your steps once you've wandered off the path of understanding, forgiveness...and happiness.

It is then that you will find out that the source of most of your current pain and anger...isn't the other person...rather it's yourself.  It could have been your own emotional needs that brought you to such a sad point, or it could have simply been a series of bad decisions that brought you to that point.  Either way, you have to know and believe that you can survive and still have a positive outcome.

There are so many difficult things in life that can be overcome.  Sometimes we just have to move our own egos out of the way and just keep moving in a positive direction.  You have to simply believe.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Puppies and Kittens...

Not all people like dogs or cats.  However, if you're feeling sad or blue about something, please do visit this site and scroll to the bottom to view the pictures of a puppy or kitten.  If not this blog then go to YouTube or just do an Internet search for videos or pictures of puppies and kittens.

Puppies and kittens trigger something good in all of us.  They remind us of the beginning of life.  The need for love, companionship and innocence.  I've also included a few YouTube video links to some of my favorite love song singers of all time.  As this blog grows, I will add a few more.

I hope this blog can cheer you up when you are down, or focus you when you feel you might be too high while in love.  Love is work.  Love is a marathon, not a sprint.  A sprint may help you get started in a race, but it is the freedom to surrender yourself that will keep you at the proper pace to love and be loved in return.  It's not 50 50, it's 200 %.  That's 100 % commitment from both sides.

No matter how blue you feel, the sun still shines on you.  The strength of a greater being and your greater purpose still surrounds you and through you.  Never, ever give up on yourself, or abandon your capacity to love and forgive.  Move on from others who do not have that capacity.  It is their loss, their weakness.

Friday, November 30, 2012

A Hug A Day

Some days you wake up wanting to give a hug...and some days you wake up wanting a hug...

I know I've met some people who don't like to be hugged.  They get stiff and cold when put into that situation.  It's amazing that anyone can grow up feeling that way.  From the time we're born there's someone hugging us, while feeding us or burping us.  Or at least there is supposed to be.  Perhaps that's why those people who eventually grow up fearing a hug began to feel that way?  When they needed a hug the most in their development after birth, there was no one there to give it?  Or the hugs that they asked for were eventually betrayed by the person they trusted when they hugged them?  It's a shame actually.  Hugs are the most naturally nice gestures in all of life...just like a smile.

A hug a day.  Give it and try to receive it. 

Where Has Our Love Gone?

Where has our love gone?  Seems like we're marrying later.  Lusting sooner and longer.  Both men and women working.  Some younger men do not seem to know their roles in a relationship.  The same goes for women.

I once wrote in another blog that it seems like men and women have lost their way in the matter of loving one another.  The betterment of equality between men and women shouldn't mean that they have equal roles.  Two right hands make a good handshake, but they are lousy together trying to catch a ball.  Nope...love is like a ball.  We need to separate hands to catch it and hold it properly.  Two opposite hands that work together.  It is becoming rarer and rarer in this world that people have the patience to keep working together.

So where did our love go?  Most of us do see love as a brightly lit end destination off in the distance.  We all walk along a pathway towards it.  Some of us surrender to love.  Some of us fight off love.  Some of us even treat it as if were a toy to be played with.

One thing is for certain...at some point in our lives...we will all need love...in order to survive.  The following will be a few stories, comments and observations on love.  Feel free to share yours.